The Clown Car Runs Right Out of Gas

Illustration by Esquire

Now the Republicans wonder why on Earth they didn’t win. After all, for the position of leader of the most powerful nation on the planet, they offered their best ­—a slimy Newt, a skirt-chasing pizza putz, a Texas two-digit IQ, a sanctimonious sweater vest, Crazy Eyes Bachmann and the Romneybot 3000 v 2.0, a device that dispenses lies with the well-oiled ease that a vending machine spits out gumballs.

And of course, the Republicans will conclude they lost because they didn’t crank up their Insane Clown Posse whoops of fascist derangement to a sufficiently deafening decibel level.

Yes, the Republicans certainly crammed their clown car full on this trip.

Meanwhile, Romney — who claims he lost because of those nasty, lazy blacks, bitches and spics — is the gift that keeps on giving.
Yet Republicans do not seem to appreciate Mitt's continuing help to them. "How ungrateful," he chortled.