Know Your Heroes, Citizen!

By the way, Jimmy Carter supports Snowden.

Remember, citizen, Edward Snowden’s no hero, no sir, no way. Our real heroes are those tireless corporate mercenaries who spy on their fellow Americans and take hush money to keep quiet about it.

And if they do their jobs of informing on their fellow citizens well enough, they’ll eventually get a nice promotion, too, maybe even to torturer. Oh, sorry, I mean “Extraordinary Render.”

What the NSA really needs right now is a TV series thatwould show their unsung heroes, through their valiant efforts in spying on allAmerican citizens, routinely saving America from terrorist death rays andflying saucers. Maybe Kiefer Sutherland would be available to portray their crusty-but-benign chief torturer. You know, the same sort of manure that Hoover spread with his FBI show.

We’d need a title, maybe something like “NSA: Special Victimization Unit.”