Pity the Poor Dim-Bulb Republican

By Dan Hagen

Pity the poor, dim-bulb Walmart Republican. 

He believes the people he supports are “good” and “nice” because they wear American Legion hats and carry Bibles. 

He thinks he's a victim of those awful “liberals” he hears so much about on Fox News — the people who fought slavery and child labor and poorhouses for the elderly and then somehow became, oddly enough, servants of evil. 


He doesn’t know that in England, liberals — being proponents of freedom and equality — were the people who fought for free enterprise. Conservatives fought against it, naturally, in favor of class and privilege.
 He doesn’t know that the wealthy Americans opposed installation of the Statue of Liberty. The owners of sweatshops and deadly mines didn’t think “liberty” was an idea that poor people should ever be encouraged to consider.In fact the Walmart Republican is the victim, as his “good” heroes drain his Social Security account with national debt and tax cuts for the rich, plot to erode his wages down to subsistence-level and carefully prepare his grandchildren to invade the next resource-rich country that happens to catch the plutocrat's reptilian eye.

There are two kinds of Republicans: millionaires and suckers.

—    John Dolan